Negative self talk

Negative self talk is negative narcissism

Negative self talk is negative narcissism. 

This idea recently popped into my earbuds as I listened to a podcast interview with Jennifer Rudolph Walsh — literary agent to radical female thinkers such as Oprah Winfrey, Arianna Huffington and Brené Brown. It’s an interesting take on a topic that I often talk about; you can find me wailing against negative self talk here and here, and I offer healthy ways to break the habit in my Soulful Self Love Challenge.

But negative narcissism? Well, I hadn’t really ever thought about it that way.

On the one hand, negative self talk — the inner dialogue that harshly narrates your life — could be seen as self indulgent. Is it not egotistical to analyze and criticize every one of your thoughts and actions, or obsess over every physical flaw and personal failure?

I would argue that it is a little selfish to live our lives through the lens of self doubt. Here’s why:

  • You decline an invitation because you think you’re not good in social situations. The Result? You leave a friend with one less guest at their party.
  • You don’t ask for a promotion because you doubt you’ll get it. The Result? Your company suffers from missing the opportunity to have you in a leadership position.
  • You can’t appreciate how a gorgeous designer dress floats over your body because all you see are your (too wide, too narrow) hips. The Result? You steal appreciation from the designer…and from the fact that you have a beautiful body and access to beautiful clothes.
  • You constantly turn to your partner for reassurance that you look / act / ARE ok. The Result? You risk losing the delicate give-take balance of relationship, where moments should be experienced together, and are not, in fact, about either of you as individuals.

Food for thought, eh?

Of course, you don’t have to agree.

If you are one of the millions of women who battle the daily rhetoric of negative self talk you probably think that narcissism is NOT a trait in your personality toolbox. You almost laugh as you imagine Narcissus peering at his perfect reflection in the water…you try to avoid mirrored surfaces at all costs!

As a recovering negative self talker I initially took Walsh’s statement as a personal affront. I spent half a life thinking that I wasn’t as good as everyone else, how on earth is that narcissistic? But as I thought about it some more I realized that (perhaps) the idea could hold a nugget of truth.

The most kind and generous people I know don’t strive to be like everyone else or sacrifice themselves for others. They are content in who they are and with what they have. This contentment is both a resource they can share and a quality that attracts others to them. Do they struggle with their own insecurities and have their own vices? Undoubtedly. But what they don’t do is shape their lives around their personal doubts, limit themselves with their own beliefs, or compare themselves to other people.

Ultimately I won’t equate negative self talk with negative narcissism, but I will acknowledge that it’s both a selfish and self-restricting practice. Negative self talk is a crutch for women who aren’t willing to look inward with self compassion and step outward with intention.

We can all make the decision to be a little kinder and more encouraging to ourselves every day. The question is: will you?

I hope you’ll weigh in on this week’s discussion by leaving a comment below.

 

With love,

how to be beautiful jennifer dene wellness

Rejoice In The Beauty Of You

I’ve always been something of an introvert; I enjoy spending time doing my own thing and tend to feel nervous in big social gatherings. But when I first moved to America in 2011 I told myself that I would become more outgoing, accept more invitations and basically just be more confident being me. If only the power of thought was enough.

As it turns out, I felt even more like a fish out of water. Stripped from the ease of living in Australia — where I understood the culture, the landscape, the ebb and flow of daily life — I found myself struggling just to fit in, much less be my most gregarious self.

My feelings of being disconnected to the people around me was not due to anything that they were doing, rather it came from my own negative self talk (you’re not as interesting; you’re not as pretty; you’re not as smart). Instead of spending energy building new relationships, much of my attention was focused inward, comparing how I felt about myself to what I perceived about others.

The more I played this game of “comparisonitis,” the less beautiful I felt. If only I could have understood that the power of knowing yourself and being comfortable in your own skin is far more attractive (to yourself and others) than any external physical feature.

This brings me to today’s topic: rejoicing in the beauty of being you.

The other day I was listening to an interview with Tera Warner, a body-image-detox coach. Like me, Tera believes that when women place too much emphasis on how they look, they take the joy away from how they live. 

Tera discussed how passive intake of body-obsessed media images (social media, advertising, entertainment and the like) is making women feel less at ease in their own skin. She went on to say that if women don’t stand in their own shoes and put their own mark on the world, then they’ll never escape the hamster wheel of negative body image.

And boy, do I agree with that.

Even after all the work that I’ve done on my own “body enlightenment” I can still catch myself scrolling through Instagram or watching other people’s YouTube videos and feeling less-than.

Such is the power of image and social perception.

I believe that you too play the game of comparisonitis (perhaps with other people you know, those you see online, or even with past versions of yourself) — so what are you going to do about it? Because you have to do something.

Doing nothing fuels the fire of self-doubt and keeps you focused on the fabricated media obsessions around body image.

Doing nothing keeps you small and means that you will never truly fall in love with your body and life (morbid reminder: you only get one of each).

Doing nothing diminishes a woman’s worth to believing that she is only as good as her appearance.

Obviously, you can’t do nothing.

In her interview, Tera shared a quote that I absolutely love: “I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the first two syllables in beautiful are BE U.”

With that in mind, here are 10 things that you can do to not only love the skin you’re in, but to put your mark on the world in a way that shows other women that we, as a gender, are so much more than our bodies.

How To Be Beautiful You

  1. Live with compassion for yourself and others; be loving to those around you
  2. Be intentional about how you spend your time
  3. Achieve something every day that makes you feel proud
  4. Know your purpose in YOUR life…this doesn’t have to be exotic, it just has to be real
  5. Know what lights you up and brings you down; do more of the former and less of the latter
  6. Don’t spend too much time alone — real connections matters, social ones don’t
  7. Get offline as much as possible (your world won’t end if you delete some of those apps)
  8. Highlight your weird, unique differences — being the same as everyone else is boring
  9. Live in the now and appreciate who you are today, don’t try to be the person you once were or spend too much time wondering about the person you could become
  10. Spend more time and energy on creating things that you can put out into the world and less time on absorbing information and messages; be the curator of your own life’s photo album

Now I’d Love To Hear From You

What did you think about today’s topic? If you find yourself feeling deflated after spending too much time on social media, or comparing yourself to other people on a regular basis, what are you going to do about it? Which of these 10 suggestions, if any, feels like an area that you need to address? Let me know by leaving a comment below.

With love,

Live Boldly

How To Live Boldly & Increase Joy

When was the last time that you stepped outside of your comfort zone? 

Do you regularly have experiences that make you feel truly alive and inspired?

Have you forgotten how to live boldly and say YES to new opportunities?

While routine is important, to keep life buzzing along, it can be easy to get caught up in the humdrum of daily living. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that we can do anything – be anything – if we just put our minds to it.

“There is enormous value in spontaneity, exploration, and living outside of your comfort zone.”  Click To Tweet.

And to live a life that you truly love you need to be excited, challenged, educated and inspired on a regular basis.

Which means reigniting the fire that allows you to live boldly and  burn brightly in everything you do.

And I want to help you do just that.

Today’s video will, hopefully, inspire you step out of your normal routine and embrace new experiences and opportunities with open arms. 

Once you’ve had a chance to watch, I’d love to hear from you.

What might you say YES to, this week, that will reignite your creative and adventurous spark?

Please join in the discussion by leaving a comment below.

This is the final video in my 7 part of my series: 7 Ways To Love Your Body & Life This Week. Catch up on all the previous videos here

7 Ways To Love Your Body (Cheat Sheet)

Just to recap, here’s your task for today:

  • Keep your eyes and ears open for new opportunities or experiences this week.
  • Before you automatically say no, consider saying YES!

Thank you so much for joining me here on Jennifer Dene Wellness. Together we can create a bright, healthy and purpose-filled future for ourselves, and the women that come after us.

With love,

JDW Signature

P.S. Don’t forget to download your Self Love Checklist. Here it is. 

How To Make Exercise Fun

Ah, exercise. I know you’re good for me, but do I really have to see you every day?

The answer, my friends, is yes.

The good news is that exercise doesn’t have to be grueling, sweaty and uncomfortable. In fact, with a little know-how you can actually make exercise fun.

No kidding!

The benefits of daily physical activity are numerous, covering everything from improved mobility and mental health, to lowering the risk of many diseases.

But it’s the daily part that really counts.

If you want to be the best version of yourself then a short walk three days a week just won’t cut it.

The easiest way to be consistent, and make this an every day habit, is to choose a style of movement that is fun and enjoyable.

Ditch the bootcamp and get fit, feminine & fabulous with exercises that you love. Click To Tweet.

If you’ve given up on exercise because you think that it’s too hard, or boring, or, *gasp*, not important then you need to press play on today’s video.

In the next few minutes you’ll learn exactly the kind of (fun) exercises you should be doing on a daily basis, how to fit them in to your schedule, and I’ll give you the key to kickstart this healthy habit.

Once you’ve had a chance to watch, I’d love to hear from you.

What’s your absolute favorite kind of exercise?

Join in the discussion by leaving a comment below.

Remember that this video is part of my series: 7 Ways To Love Your Body & Life This Week. Catch up on all the videos here.

Click the image to download your free Self Love Checklist!

7 Ways To Love Your Body (Cheat Sheet)

Just to recap, here’s your task for today:

  • Write down all the types of movement that you really enjoy doing. It might include things like walking, bike riding, swimming, dance, yoga, Pilates, ice skating, surfing … even gardening.
  • Select one of these activities to do everyday this week (preferably something free and easy, such as walking or riding a bike), and a second activity that you might only do once or twice (such as dance or Pilates).
  • Schedule these activities on your calendar, every day.
  • Put on your shoes and go and do that first, every day activity right now. Even if you only have time for 5 or 10 minutes, we need to kickstart that new habit in this very moment.

Then dive into the final video, where you’ll be reminded to live boldly and say yes to new experiences.

Thank you so much for joining me here on Jennifer Dene Wellness. I know that together we will create a bright, healthy and purpose-filled future for ourselves, and the women that come after us.

With love,

JDW Signature

P.S. Don’t forget to download your Self Love Checklist. Here it is.
Stop Dieting | Jennifer Dene Wellness

Stop Dieting And Live At Your Ideal Weight

Do you have a healthy relationship with food?

Are you able to eat intuitively, enjoying all kinds of food without guilt or shame? Or do you feel trapped by certain sets of dieting rules that tell you what, when or how to eat?

Would you love to stop dieting but are anxious about gaining weight if you do?

In today’s video I’m sharing the simple mindset shifts that allowed me to finally stop dieting, and changed my life physically, mentally and emotionally.

And it started with the realization that finding our ideal weight doesn’t start with the food on our plates, it starts with trusting in our bodies and experiencing our lives. 

If we spent more time focusing on how we want to feel, we could (quite easily) look how we want to look. Tweet This.

If you’re regularly eliminating foods that you enjoy, just because someone whom you have never met — and knows nothing about your lifestyle or body type — has written a book suggesting that you should, then today’s video is for you.

I hope that, by pressing play on today’s video, you will feel empowered to release the diet mindset and discover how to live at your happy weight, in a happy way, once and for all.

Once you’ve had a chance to watch, I’d love to hear from you. Answer one or both of the questions below.

  1. Does the idea of ditching the diets feel liberating or anxiety-inducing to you?
  2. Have you experienced an “aha” moment about eating for your lifestyle and body type?

Join in the discussion by leaving a comment below.

Remember that this video is part of my series: 7 Ways To Love Your Body & Life This Week. Catch up on all the videos here.

Click the image to download your free Self Love Checklist!

7 Ways To Love Your Body (Cheat Sheet)

Just to recap, here’s your task for today:

  • Write down all the dieting rules that you’re trying to follow. Keep what serves you and ditch the rest.
  • Stop classifying foods and “good” or “bad”, and give yourself permission to eat all food.
  • Pay attention to the foods that make you feel great, and the one’s that don’t.
  • Eat when you’re hungry and stop when you’re comfortably full.
  • Enjoy a treat every day!

Then, dive into the next video, where we’re chatting about making exercise fun!

Thank you so much for joining me here on Jennifer Dene Wellness. I know that together we will create a bright, healthy and purpose-filled future for ourselves, and the women that come after us.

With love,

JDW Signature

P.S. Don’t forget to download your Self Love Checklist. Here it is.

How To Boost Self Esteem With Compliments

The simplest things can make a big difference to how we feel about ourselves and our lives.

Getting a good nights sleep. Having fresh flowers around the home. Laughing at a friend’s joke. These small, daily actions not only help us to feel more happy and relaxed, they can also boost self esteem.

Appreciating life’s little joys is a gentle reminder that every day is a gift, and that each of our lives is special and unique — something that should be valued.

Yet unfortunately it’s easy to focus on the negatives, on what we don’t have, or what we wish we could change.

We might catch ourselves comparing our life, our body or personality, to other people, and particularly other women. Whether this manifests itself as you judging them, or you judging you, someone is going to get devalued.

Comparing yourself to other people won’t boost self esteem, it won’t change how you feel about yourself, and it won’t help you to make the positive changes that you need to live a life that you love.

No matter how perfect someone else’s life, or body, may look from the outside, we all struggle with feeling insecure from time to time.

The simple strategy that I will share with you in today’s video takes less than 30 seconds and will allow you to feel more confident and satisfied in yourself, as well as share those positive feelings with other women around you.

Once you’ve had a chance to watch, I’d love to hear from you.

What simple, daily, action, habit, or experience helps you to feel happier, more confident and boosts self esteem?

Join in the discussion by leaving a comment below.

Remember that this video is part of my series: 7 Ways To Love Your Body & Life This Week. Catch up on all the videos here.

Click the image to download your free Self Love Checklist!

7 Ways To Love Your Body (Cheat Sheet)

Just to recap, here’s your task for today…

Go out and pay a genuine compliment to another woman (and remember that it doesn’t just have to be about appearance).

Then, dive into the next video where I’ll show you how to ditch the diets and live at your ideal weight without deprivation.

Thank you so much for joining me here on Jennifer Dene Wellness. I know that together we will create a bright, healthy and purpose-filled future for ourselves, and the women that come after us.

With love,

JDW Signature

P.S. Don’t forget to download your Self Love Checklist. Here it is.
Overcome negative Self Talk

How To Overcome Negative Self Talk

Think about your average day. How often will you find yourself, consciously or unconsciously, being critical of your actions, feelings or appearance?

Have you ever tried to overcome negative self talk?

For many of us it such an ingrained habit that it’s hard to think about letting it go.

It’s easy to pass judgement on ourselves — we tend to be our own worst critics, and find fault in things about ourselves that we would never criticize in someone else. But did you know that the words that you’re using to describe yourself could be preventing you from living a life that you love?

To reach your full potential you need to lift yourself up, not pull yourself down. Tweet this.

There is so much power in loving ourselves for our weaknesses as well as our strengths, and realizing that confidence is not the same thing as vanity or arrogance.

In today’s video I’m sharing an easy, three-part strategy that will help you break the critical habit, overcome negative self talk, and feel more confident, inspired and proud of being the woman that you are today.

Once you’ve had a chance to watch, I’d love to hear what you think.

1. Do you often catch yourself in negative self talk?

2. How has this habit been holding you back from reaching one of your life goals?

Join in the discussion by leaving a comment below.

Remember that this video is part of my series: 7 Ways To Love Your Body & Life This Week. Catch up on all the videos here.

Click the image to download your free Self Love Checklist!

7 Ways To Love Your Body (Cheat Sheet)

Just to recap, here’s your task for today:

  • Start to notice any time that you catch yourself judging or criticizing your appearance, or something you are doing, thinking or feeling, as you move throughout the day. 
  • When this happens, stop for a moment, and be conscious, and reflective, about what you’re thinking or saying.
  • Then simply say (aloud or in your mind): “I choose to let it go. I love who I am”.

Thank you so much for joining me here on Jennifer Dene Wellness. I know that together we will create a bright, healthy and purpose-filled future for ourselves, and the women that come after us.

With love,

JDW Signature

P.S. Don’t forget to download your Self Love Checklist. Here it is.
Me Time | Jennifer Dene Wellness

How To Have More “Me Time”

We could all use a little more me time.

Having time out for yourself, without an agenda, is as important for your health as exercise and healthy eating. Yet it’s often the first thing to be scrapped when life gets busy.

Whether it’s work, family, volunteering or social commitments, you have to know when to say “NO” to external demands in order to be able to say “YES” to yourself.

In today’s video I’ll show exactly how you can take time for yourself every day, and why you need to make it a priority.

Once you’ve had a chance to watch, I’d love to hear from you.

Once you’ve “scheduled the schedule of nothing”, how might you use that time?

Join in the discussion by leaving a comment below.

Remember that this video is part of my series: 7 Ways To Love Your Body & Life This Week. Catch up on all the videos here.

Click the image to download your free Self Love Checklist!

7 Ways To Love Your Body (Cheat Sheet)

Just to recap, here’s your task for today:

  • Step one: Open your calendar or to do list for this week.
  • Step Two: Every day schedule out a 30 minute block of time that’s just for you.
  • Step Three: Consider how you might use that time; I recommend choosing something that makes you feel nurtured and relaxed.
  • Step Four: Remember that this is a vital appointment with yourself, and nothing or no-one is allowed to encroach on that time. Set your boundaries and stick to them.
  • Step Five: When you arrive at your me time appointment each day turn off your phone and be present in the moment with your self.

Then, dive into the next video, where I’ll show you how to quiet that negative self talk.

Thank you so much for joining me here on Jennifer Dene Wellness. I know that together we will create a bright, healthy and purpose-filled future for ourselves, and the women that come after us.

With love,

JDW Signature

P.S. Don’t forget to download your Self Love Checklist. Here it is.

Why You Should Love Your Body (Exactly As It Is)

Do you love your body?

When was the last time that you looked in the mirror and really loved what you saw? 

If I’m honest, “love” hasn’t always been my first reaction. Satisfied? Sometimes. Critical? Often. But love… well, that’s something I’ve been working on and I want to help you do the same.

I’ve wasted years of my life tearing myself down when I should have been building myself up. Not only missing out on precious moments, but also not setting a good example for the women around me.

Loving how you look doesn’t make you arrogant or self-centered. It just gives you a quiet confidence and the respect that you deserve.

Do you know what triggered my decision to make peace with my body? It was the realization that who I am right now, is who I am right now, and that person is pretty darn special. I learnt the hard way that self-criticism won’t help you live at your ideal weight, it won’t reverse aging, and it definitely won’t motivate you to make healthy lifestyle changes.

But don’t just make peace with your body. Shower it with love on an every day basis. Tweet This. 

In today’s video I’m sharing a simple daily exercise that you can do in under 2 minutes, that will help you feel more confident (and in love) with yourself and your appearance.

Once you’ve had a chance to watch, I’d love to hear from you.

Did you find this exercise simple or uncomfortable? What do you think has been holding you back from showering yourself with love every day?

Join in the discussion by leaving a comment below.

Click the image to download your free Self Love Checklist!

7 Ways To Love Your Body (Cheat Sheet)

Then, dive into the next video, where I’ll show you how to have more “Me Time” (yes!)

Thank you so much for joining me here on Jennifer Dene Wellness. I know that together we will create a bright, healthy and purpose-filled future for ourselves, and the women that come after us.

With love,

JDW Signature

P.S. Don’t forget to download your Self Love Checklist. Here it is.