Today we’re going to figure out your self love language, which actually starts with your family tree.
If you think about spending five straight days with your favorite family members, what comes up?
Probably thoughts of cheer, sitting around a table sharing food, drink and laughter…
Perhaps a slight feeling of frustration or annoyance — ruffled feathers are bound to happen when you put relatives in a room together for days at a time…
And also indescribable love.
Now, if I ask you to think about your body (specifically your physical appearance), what comes up then?
What are the first three words that come to mind when I say, tell me what you think about your body?
Say them out loud…
Hopefully you just heard yourself say something along the lines of: beautiful, healthy, fit, appreciated, strong, unique, consistent, feminine, comfortable, pretty good or bloody brilliant!
If not, I’d like to offer up an idea:
Try viewing your relationship with your body in a similar way to your relationship with your favorite family members. Some days you love its comfort and reliability, some days it annoys the heck out of you, and some days you adore and admire it so much that you can’t believe its actually yours.
Being body positive doesn’t mean unquestionably adoring yourself at every waking moment. If that’s what you’re working towards, you’re going to be disappointed.
Even those people you love the most can still get on your last nerve from time to time. (And just sometimes, on rare occasions, you might even feel tempted to trade them in for a newer model!) But that doesn’t mean you would go around berating them every day, nor would you constantly compare them to others.
If I asked you to describe your most cherished friends in three words, it’s unlikely that those words would be cruel or critical.
So why do it to yourself?
The average woman has 13 negative thoughts about her own body every day — that’s one for almost every waking hour. Many have upwards of 100.
If you spoke so venomously towards another person chances are you’d be in therapy (or have a restraining order taken out against you). Unfortunately, no one is policing what we say to ourselves. So it’s up to you to take a stand and change your self love language.
It’s important to realize that the language of self love needn’t be hippy dippy or woo-woo. You don’t need to self-identify as a “goddess” to love yourself (despite what social media influencers might tell you). In fact, I believe that using these labels is just another shield to hide behind…it’s easier to throw your hands up and yell “I am a goddess” than it is to look in the mirror and say, “you know what, I’m pretty ok”.
You can be body positive and:
- Complain about your creaky knees
- Desire to lose or gain weight
- Feel a little frustrated that you over-plucked your right eyebrow
- Even think that in an ideal world you wouldn’t have cellulite
Body positivity comes from loving yourself despite your imperfections (or perhaps, because of them).
Being proud of who you are means being real about who you are…
So its time to use real language, speak real words, and have real thoughts and opinions about yourself — just like you do with Uncle Fred.
When you can love yourself unconditionally — even if somedays there are certain things you don’t like — then you have won the body positivity battle.
I thought this was an important point to make as I see more and more women desire to improve their self love practice and fall in love with their body and life. I know this journey takes courage and persistence (I’ve walked its path too), but I also know that once you find the right footing, your life really does change.
So my suggestion for you as you enter a new day: treat your body the way you’d treat a favorite family member, with the self love language of respect, kindness, adoration, frustration (and even the occasional whinge).
Let me know how you go.